He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
