Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
