Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
