i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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