I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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