How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
