i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
