Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
