she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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