This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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