I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i think i just lost a toe
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
