I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
