ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
