that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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