I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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