so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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