my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
