Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
