im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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