My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
