I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
