he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize