I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
