I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
