I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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