So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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