I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A+ Viking dick
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
