you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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