I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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