I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
