Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
