Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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