Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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