I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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