DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
