I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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