Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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