Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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