I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
