new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
