even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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