This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
