I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My breasts were aching with rage.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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