I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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