I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
