So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry about my life...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
