Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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