I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
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