Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
