I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
