I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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