You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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