He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
