End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
