Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
