i don't like sucking hair
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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