goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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