Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
