I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
