Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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