The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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