you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
