i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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