Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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